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nuhalani
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Name: nani
Interests: I like the smell of: freshly sharpened pencils (Ticonderoga! Whoo!), fresh cut grass and hay, a new box of crayons, sage, rosemary, Christmas trees. I also like to watch Pete the hamster. He looks like The Lorax and he's extremely amusing (to me.) Creme brulee, almond tea with cream and mandarin oranges are also nice (although, perhaps not all in one sitting). I like green Jell-o.
Expertise: Moving.
Occupation: Wanderer.
Message: message me
Member Since:
8/18/2004
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| Change is inevitable. It really is, no matter what your intent.
I haven't been very active here. Mostly because I've been super busy with life, in addition to finally giving in and joining Twitter. At some point, that will pass on to something else too.
So, for the time being, here we are. I came home from California last night and went for the usual evening walk. That's when some of the old home sickness hit. I'm slowly coming to an understanding of how I am processing my feelings about my life circumstances. I love life and all of it's experiences, but on the downside, I am not entirely too happy about where I live. I've been back here in NV for two years, working in the same place. And I am still not really happy. Not that I expected to be deliriously joyful about this place, but I'm still unhappy. I haven't attended church on a regular basis since coming back. I really want to, but Sundays come and go, and I'm not there. I think that it's because deep down inside, i'm afraid to do anything that seems like i'm putting down roots here. I really could use the fellowship, but I'm always pining for someplace that I can't be. At the moment anyhow.
I had lunch with my brother yesterday and talked to him about my future plans to go back to California in the next few years. I refuse to move back to South County, as I have had a rather painful and complicated existence there, but I am exploring the possibility of other areas nearby. Aside from the current financial hurdles that keep me from rushing back right now, I need to really think on the other reasons that I'm not there yet. I haven't been actively seeking God's opinion on things lately. I've been much to complacent and distracted by life. I know this. Yet, I plod along anyhow, not really changing things.
I'm not really sure how much longer I will be in this place, but I'm positive that once I reach the other side of it, things will be pretty spectacular. This seems to be the way God works things our for me.
I know that there has been much happening in my household on the spiritual level. I sense it. Mostly while I'm asleep or dreaming. It's kind of a strange thing, something that I haven't really experience before, but nothing really frightening. I suppose that I learned a long time ago, how to face fear of this sort. I learned a long time ago how to pray in my sleep. Trouble is, I need to make a more conscious effort to do this during my waking hours.
So much is happening in my life. I have two teenagers that rely on me for everything. I have been able to rise to the occasion fairly well so far. God is the only thing keeping us going. Saying that being a single mom is tough goes without saying. Being a parent in general usually takes quite a bit of effort. Aside from the kids, life just seems to be speeding by. I am in the early stages of slight panic. I am becoming more aware of how much time has passed and I am still not content with my job. I changed my major, but still have to take classes piecemeal. In the evenings, two at a time.
My grandma always asks me if i'm dating yet. I never fail to disappoint her. I'm just to darned busy, grandma. I have teenagers, they scare away all the smart ones. They even scare away the loons.
I'm not having a crisis, not yet anyhow, but I do wish that there was some easier way to make a living. I wish that I could make more headway, as hard as I work, and as much energy has I apply to these aspects of my life.
I do have to admit, dad has improved quite a bit. He's starting to get bored, staying at home. This is great! Just a few months ago, he was too sick to be anything but unconcious. The kids are doing well. Chumani is still a handful, but staying out of major trouble, Cheyenne passed her summer school class, and since I've changed my major to art, she's shown genuine interest in going for a degree in art as well, so these things are very encouraging. I think that the neurotherapy has helped her to focus, and helped her to get a handle on things.
I suppose that there is always, somewhere in the back of my mind, that nagging want of someone to take care of me and the kids. It's kinda the way we're hard-wired. I carry on, not really looking, but always kind of hoping that something miraculous will happen. But, I'm realistic, I don't hold my breath. Well, if I'm around Derwood, I do. But, it would be nice to have someone to provide more stability to our lives, someone that I can come home to, that would be (somewhat) willing to listen to me complain, someone to help do the laundry. But, it's not the case. At least not today. So, I will complain here, while I do my own laundry, while the kids are at other peoples houses, and dad and the alien are napping in the other room.
I suppose that all I can say is that if or when I do have someone come along that I want to keep, you will all be shocked and amazed, as I think that I have become one of those people that you just can't imagine having someone else, the kind of person that just always seemed to be content being alone. Also, my grandma will probably leave me alone for a bit, until she starts to ask when we're getting married and when I'm having more kids. All becoming rather frightening thoughts for me, as I creep closer to 40.
OK, so I've complained about the stuff that I usually don't talk too in depth about. The stuff that looms large in my head, but don't really want to deal with. Maybe this is what i'm having nightmares about. I suppose that this is what one gets when they choose the life of a curmudgeon. But, it really can be quite nice, hiding away, avoiding people. As we all know, people are generally pretty dumb, and best avoided. 
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| ...because I'm supposed to be doing actual work right now.
10 Humor Sites To Make You LOL
Totally worth clicking on this link.
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| It's Monday. I'm at work, but just about to go home for the day. Not much happening around here, going to California this weekend. Looking forward to visiting with some friends that I haven't seen in over 2 years.
Tired, unusually tired for me. Um. What else? It's hot out? Summer has officially arrived. We are now into air conditioner season. Ugh. Me no likey.
Ok, gotta go close up everything. Dad is doing a little better, kids are fine. I still have no life, but it's about par for the course. Haha.
**update**
It's now Tuesday morning. I got disappointing news. My friends hit an elk last night, no one was hurt, well maybe the elk, I forgot to ask. This means that they need to stay in WY for a few days to get the car repaired. That sets them back a few days as far as their time schedule goes. Once that's done, they need to make a beeline to SoCal. I won't get to visit with them. Boo for stress and added expenses, lost time, for them not being able to make it to Seattle and San Francisco and me not being able to see them.
Please pray for them and the situation. I'm sure that J will make his flight, and that B will have a good time visiting with her friend while he's away. Also pray that they have a safe trip back home, once J gets back from wherever it is that he needs to fly to.
I am thankful that nobody was hurt. We will just have to try another time. I just wish that travel wasn't so expensive. I really could use a road trip.
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| I wish that I could go see this Banksy exhibit!
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